If you met me in high school you would have met a girl who thought she had it "all figured out". Not quite sure what she wanted to be when she graduated college, but that she knew she was going to be successful.
Fast forward to college. Studying the wonderful art of printing (not the kind you learn in kindergarten and not the kind where you hit "PRINT" on your computer). The kind of printing where you end up covered from head to toe in ink. Where the sound of printing presses running is calming. Where the words "hickey" and "stripping" have a totally different meaning than what non-printers are use to.
Running a press is second nature to me and gives me the excited butterflies in my stomach. I thought for sure I was going to be a press operator one day. Then I took my planning class. I was in LOVE. I was going to be a planner. Estimating - oh how I hate math... but estimating, how did I understand it all so well? I was going to be an estimator. Then onto all the management courses and the higher level Bachelor degree classes. I had decided I was going to be in customer service or sales, and I was going to kick ass at it. I was going to work for Heidelberg and be a Salesperson. I was going to be one of the best Saleswomen Heidelberg had ever employed.
Come my last semester in college, I was interviewing every few weeks for job openings. But no offers were made. My graduation ceremony came and went. Still no job offers in the Printing industry. I ended up going back to my high school job at Subway. Somehow the job title "sandwich artist" was not as appealing as it was in high school. Nor was the pay. Finally, after a little over a month at Subway, a call came in from a local Printing company saying they had production openings... what was the catch? Even with my 2 degrees and openings I was qualified for, I had to work through Manpower, a temp service. At that time I was living in a low income apartment that had more problems than you could count, including black mold and a slumlord. I was getting sick constantly and had to call in a couple times. Eventually the company said to Manpower that they did not want me back after my back injury because I had "attendance problems". Now I have no hope of ever getting a position for that company ever again. I should go back and say that this company isn't just local, it is a big company, but had a location in my hometown.
Next came the "get any job you can, who cares if it is minimum wage or a temp service" phase, where I ended up homeless for a few months. I ended up with a job where a guy at work, who I thought was a friend, sexually harassed me. Working another 2 weeks after the incident, and not reporting it because I felt shamed, I was finding any reason to not have to go to work on the days we were both scheduled and ended up quitting abruptly with no notice. Bad decision on my part. After that I was jobless, with a couple 1 day - 1 week jobs in between, for almost 5 months. I was working temp jobs, where you can get let go at any moment, and trying to make ends meet. Two days after losing one of my many temp jobs, I found out I was pregnant. Living with my parents I saw no end to all this whirlwind. I finally ended up getting a job that I was hired into, pays moderately well, but is not anything I can say I would love to do for the rest of my life.
What happened to the girl who had it all figured out? The girl who was going to be so successful? The girl whose dreams were above and beyond and her determination to make those dreams reality was even higher? I am now 21 weeks pregnant and have all but lost hope in finding a job in the Printing industry. Will I ever get back into the field that I love so much? Have I given up on my dreams? Have I (dare I say) ruined my dreams? Or am I just reshaping my old dreams into new ones? Am I giving up on something that once made me extremely happy so that I can pursue something that will make me happy the rest of my life (being a mommy)?
Are all dreams lost at one point if you have tried and tried and tried to make them come true, but are unsuccessful? Will I ever, one day, be the successful Saleswomen I dreamed about for so long?
